I Guess It's not Such a Bad Idea Afterall

At first I thought the House Government Reform Committee was joke. I thought looking into steroid use in professional sports was a complete waste of time.

Are they telling me that steroid use is more important than government budget shortfalls? Are they more important than education improvements? I mean why don't they do something that relates a little more to the name of their committee. Why don't they look into a congressional sobriety testing or fidelity testing?

Apparently there are other people in this country asking the same types of questions. The committee responded by saying that steroid use is un-American, and a bad example for kids.

All this got me thinking, maybe this line of inquiry isn't such a bad idea. There are allot of un-American things that are bad for children that I think they could look in to.

1. There needs to be an investigation into who keeps urinating on the bathroom floor at work. The main problem is that they seem do it after the cleaning person goes home for the weekend. So, the first person to open the bathroom door on Monday morning (normally me) gets blasted in the face with something that smells like a mix between a fresh perm and your refrigerator that stopped working 2 days into your 2 week vacation.

2. Next, the House Committee on Government Reform should look into doing away with lines. Not the lines on the roads, lines that you have to stand in to get to something that you need. A while ago I stood in line for 15 minutes waiting to buy some popcorn and soda for my movie (Star Wars..yes I'm one of those). Finally I just gave up and went into the movie. I can't think of anything more un-American than depriving an American of some popcorn.

3. I think congress should look into excessive weight lifting by professional athletes. There is nothing more un-American than exercise. We are pretty much the fattest country in the world.

4. Finally, the government should look into why it has taken SBC over a month to transfer my Internet service from one apartment to the next. There is nothing more un-American than to deny Internet access from a lazy person like myself. This has caused me to be even more lazy. Now I spend even more time sitting on the couch. Why? Because there is no reason to get off...The computer in the next room doesn't have Internet!

I was Hung in San Diego

So, the other night I found myself trapped in one of those situations that make you feel kind of dirty, but not so dirty as to change your current course of action. In fact, even though you feel kind of dirty, that little tingly feeling deep down inside says don't change a thing because something incredibley ridiculous might happen and you don't want to miss it.

It's kind of like watching "So You Think You Can Dance." When you start watching you think, "This has got to be the single most stupid, idiotic, lame, and generally crapy show I have ever seen." But, you continued watching because you relized something really funny might happen, and the story you could tell about the show was worth the excrutiating pain you were feeling while watching it. Then, you saw the episode where the guy started crying during his dance because he put so much emotion into his routine, and you started crying too. You didn't cry because he cried, you cried because all those painfull hours of painfully hard work (watching 1/2 hour of the show) has paid off. You have your story.

Back to the other night....I was Hung in San Diego. There wasn't any crying, but it did start off being very painfull. I went to a William Hung concert. Don't ask how I ended up there, because really, the more important question is why I stayed. Actually, you already know why I stayed...so I could tell the story. Here it is.

Hung came, sang a few songs that no one understood, and signed some autographs It was great. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. The pay-off pitch came when Will Hung started dancing with his backup dancers. His smile got really big and looked about as awkword as when Michael Jackson kissed Lisa Presley during the VMA awards.